i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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