I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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