i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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