North Korea, Best Korea!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
