so that wasnt chicken after all
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
