took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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