so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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