Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He shit in the fireplace
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
