I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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