i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
