a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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