You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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