You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
