i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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