I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.