and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
whose parrot is this?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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