white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet