laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.