when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night