We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
