whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
