My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
