I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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