i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
