I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
