brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
