What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
