i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
