i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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