Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it's not cheating when I paid for it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
