I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
only you would photoshop your dick
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
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He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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