apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
