I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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