New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
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My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
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Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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