I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
