I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
