mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
