Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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