My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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