Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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