yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
