I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
