PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
