"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
