Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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