Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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