Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
