i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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