i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
