Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He passed out mid-signature
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
