You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
