I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
