stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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