and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
