We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
