Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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