so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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