I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
