Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
