My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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