Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
