update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
love makes seman taste better
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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