i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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